Dear Camera Battery Charger,

The camera is dead. And has been dead for several weeks now. I know I complained about getting a new camera a while ago, is that why you skipped out on me? Please come home. I miss you. I need you. I want you. And I promise you a trip to San Diego next weekend if you come home and breathe life into my camera once again.

Thanks,

Me

Dear Ben,

I know how you stress over what to give me every year for my birthday. It's so sweet, 'cause being married to you is gift enough. Plus you always throw me such elaborate birthday parties, which are amazing and between the incredible decorations and the food you make yourself, I don't know how you always manage to keep it a surprise! Anyway, to help you out this year (although I'm probably too late- my gift is probably already wrapped and hidden away in some large closet...) I thought I'd make a list of some little things I wouldn't mind receiving:

an egg poacher

red italian leather driving gloves

{don't forget the car to go with them...}

some new enamel cookware

this sweater

or this cutie cookie jar

i love these sandals {but oh yeah, you don't}

i also still really want these boots (burnt red, natural or buttermilk, please...)

Or, if you don't want to go to the trouble of shopping, feel free to just give me a couple thou and I'll take care of myself!

Thanks honey-buns...

love, me

Dear Virus,

As your host, I feel it is my responsibility to inform you that you have worn out your welcome. Perhaps I gave you the wrong impression when I mentioned that you weren't that big of a deal. I take it back. Your presence in this household has become irksome, to say the least. You are a nuisance and a bore and we are tired of you. Had you shown more generosity, maybe springing for dinner or cleaning the guest bath, your extended stay may not have been so exhausting. But, as it is, all you have caused is pain, discomfort, and a preposterous amount of mucus. Please demonstrate that you have a shred of decency by clearing out at once.

Sincerely,
Your Host Family

p.s.

photo credit: Heather Allred Bliss

Dear Blog,

According to this article, I may be becoming addicted to you. You, in a rather conniving and devious fashion, convinced me that blogging was a harmless way to keep in touch with distant relatives, a way to express myself and journal about my adventures as a mom. But then something happened, didn't it blog? I started becoming a little overzealous in my need to have a cute and entertaining blog. I stayed up late editing posts until I felt they were "worthy" of posting! Oh the ridiculousness! I started reading other mom blogs. Some of which belonged to friends who lived nearby, but instead of going and visiting them, I read their blog and called it a day. I became a home body, staying indoors and tethering myself to the laptop, insisting that my kids play in their room or watch Dora again.

But no more, blog. I'm on to you. I'm taking another blog-cation, like I did last year. Next week is supposed to be 70° all week long! Time for picnics in the park, playdates with friends, trips to the zoo, hikes in the mountains, bike rides, walks to the library, sidewalk art, gardening, farmer's markets, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Just thinking about it is a breath of fresh air! So au revoir for now, little bloggie. I'm sure I'll be back.

Dear Self,

Please stop comparing yourself to your older sister whose pre-pregnancy clothes are too big one month after birthing her children, while you are still fitting quite nicely into your maternity jeans whilst your 3 month old lay in your arms nursing. Also, stop stressing about your upcoming 30th birthday and the cruise to the Bahamas (both occurring the end of May). Instead, remind yourself on how much you love your three little ones (all of whom greatly contributed to your current "pleasantly plump" condition) and paste a picture of Marilyn Monroe to the bathroom mirror (this will especially help your post-shower ego). Keep exercising, eating tons of vegetables, and drinking silly amounts of water. Embrace your curves, dearie.

love, moi

p.s. also, please can you find a bathing suit like marilyn's for the cruise? hhhhhot!

Letter from Management

Dear Baby,

Our records indicate that you are now past due. We here at Kathryn’s Womb Service have a very strict 40 week policy, and you are now in breach of contract. Please head towards the nearest exit as soon as possible.

Thank You,
The Management