Day: July 14th, 2009
The Events that transpired (warning- reading the following may make you sterile {of your own accord}):
7:00 Ben wakes me up so I can get in a half hour on the treadmill before the kids wake up.
7:05 Cash comes into my room asking for breakfast.
7:06 Oscar starts crying in his crib.
7:08 I get dressed, and go downstairs where I am met with chocolate pudding (last night's leftover dessert) all over my kitchen floor, the refrigerator, and Cash's hands and face.
7:15 After pudding is cleaned up I make oatmeal for the kids and a bottle for Oscar.
7:17 Maggie comes downstairs in a foul mood.
8:00 Breakfast is over, kids are dressed. They are playing nicely in their room, so I jump in the shower.
8:03 Kids are all in bathroom... crying.
8:15 Shower done, get dressed.
8:16 Maggie tells me I don't look very fancy.
8:17 I bite my tongue.
8:30 Put load of laundry in washer.
8:40 Get kids out the door and into the car.
8:50 Arrive at home improvement store. Fight with kids on which toys they can bring into the store and which they must leave in the car.
8:51 We head into the store with 3 kids, one pleasantly smiling at me from the shopping cart, 2 carrying backpacks holding their weight in toys.
9:25 Finally leave the store with my purchase: painting supplies to paint a second hand table I picked up for $3 at a garage sale over the weekend.
9:27 Realize that on the way out of the store the kids threw a package of fireworks and a kids culinary magazine into the cart.
9:30 Apologize to cashier as I return "stolen" items.
9:35 Kids strapped in car, head for home.
10:00 Begin painting table.
10:01 Tell kids to stay in the house.
10:03 Tell kids to stay in house, again.
10:05 Tell kids to at least stay on the back porch.
10:06 Kids start crying.
10:08 Quickly get kids a snack of marshmallows.
10:09 Feel bad about "snack" so rip open bag of baby carrots and toss it on the table as well.
11:00 Finish painting table (it was small... a night-stand, more than a table.)
11:03 Tell kids in a very stern voice that they are NOT. TO. TOUCH. PAINT.
11:10 After cleaning off my hands and leaving the rest of the mess for later (spoiler: BAD IDEA), head upstairs with kids to clean their room.
11:30 Heat up leftovers from last night for lunch.
12:00 Clean up lunch, make bottle for Oscar, and put both Oscar and Cash down for naps.
12:02 Put on "The Jungle Book" for Maggie.
12:04 Breathe.
12:07 Switch laundry.
12:14 Begin to fold mountain of laundry.
12:15 Fold, fold, fold... boring...
1:00 Get glass of ice water for self and Maggie.
1:03 Sit down to watch the end of "The Jungle Book" with Maggie, ignoring the fact that she found a bowl full of peanuts and has littered the entire family room with peanut shells.
1:30 Cash wakes up from his nap and is hungry.
1:34 Get snack for Cash.
1:37 Oscar starts crying upstairs.
1:40 Grab Oscar out of crib.
1:41 Maggie yells up the stairs that "something happened".
1:41 Run downstairs as fast as you can because when "something" happens, it's never good.
1:42 Maggie walks you into the backyard to show you where she has painted the bike trailer, the patio, and her pioneer dress (one we bought for pioneer day) a lovely "Lady Bower Blue".
1:44 Bite tongue, bite tongue, bite tongue... (this is hard.)
1:45 Put Maggie in a time-out/quiet time for 30 minutes (with a glass of water and some grapes) after not-so-gently telling her that I'm angry and she's in trouble.
1:47 Come down the stairs to find that Cash has dumped half a bottle of sunscreen all over himself and the stair landing.
1:48 Bite tongue, bite tongue, bite tongue... (this is really, REALLY hard)
1:55 Send Cash upstairs (after being cleaned up) to join sister for the really long time-out.
1:57 Fish peanut shells out of Oscar's mouth
1:59 Clean up peanut shells so Oscar stops choking on them.
2:10 Attempt to clean up backyard while listening to kids cry upstairs.
2:13 Give up cleaning up backyard (it's too gosh dang hot) and curse self for leaving paintbrush outside.
2:15 Timer goes off upstairs. Kids come running down.
2:16 Cash trips over throw pillow on floor and hits head on coffee table.
2:18 I sit and hold ice on Cash's forehead. At least there's no blood.
2:19 Cash pats my stomach and says, "you got a squishy belly, mama."
2:19 Bite tongue, bite tongue, bite tongue.
2:23 Kiss each kid on the head and tell them I love them.
2:24 Fantasize about how this post should end:
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Fantasy Ending:
6:00 Husband walks through door with bouquet of flowers, kisses me long and hard, hands me the credit card and says, "You go get a pedicure and do a little shopping for yourself. I'll take over from here."
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2:29 Sigh. Audibly.
2:30 Decide to write post about this day to see if it will be humorous at some point in the future.
It already kind of is.
