Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Someday I'll Look Back and Laugh... I'm So Sure

Day: July 14th, 2009

The Events that transpired (warning- reading the following may make you sterile {of your own accord}):

7:00 Ben wakes me up so I can get in a half hour on the treadmill before the kids wake up.
7:05 Cash comes into my room asking for breakfast.
7:06 Oscar starts crying in his crib.
7:08 I get dressed, and go downstairs where I am met with chocolate pudding (last night's leftover dessert) all over my kitchen floor, the refrigerator, and Cash's hands and face.
7:15 After pudding is cleaned up I make oatmeal for the kids and a bottle for Oscar.
7:17 Maggie comes downstairs in a foul mood.
8:00 Breakfast is over, kids are dressed. They are playing nicely in their room, so I jump in the shower.
8:03 Kids are all in bathroom... crying.
8:15 Shower done, get dressed.
8:16 Maggie tells me I don't look very fancy.
8:17 I bite my tongue.
8:30 Put load of laundry in washer.
8:40 Get kids out the door and into the car.
8:50 Arrive at home improvement store. Fight with kids on which toys they can bring into the store and which they must leave in the car.
8:51 We head into the store with 3 kids, one pleasantly smiling at me from the shopping cart, 2 carrying backpacks holding their weight in toys.
9:25 Finally leave the store with my purchase: painting supplies to paint a second hand table I picked up for $3 at a garage sale over the weekend.
9:27 Realize that on the way out of the store the kids threw a package of fireworks and a kids culinary magazine into the cart.
9:30 Apologize to cashier as I return "stolen" items.
9:35 Kids strapped in car, head for home.
10:00 Begin painting table.
10:01 Tell kids to stay in the house.
10:03 Tell kids to stay in house, again.
10:05 Tell kids to at least stay on the back porch.
10:06 Kids start crying.
10:08 Quickly get kids a snack of marshmallows.
10:09 Feel bad about "snack" so rip open bag of baby carrots and toss it on the table as well.
11:00 Finish painting table (it was small... a night-stand, more than a table.)
11:03 Tell kids in a very stern voice that they are NOT. TO. TOUCH. PAINT.
11:10 After cleaning off my hands and leaving the rest of the mess for later (spoiler: BAD IDEA), head upstairs with kids to clean their room.
11:30 Heat up leftovers from last night for lunch.
12:00 Clean up lunch, make bottle for Oscar, and put both Oscar and Cash down for naps.
12:02 Put on "The Jungle Book" for Maggie.
12:04 Breathe.
12:07 Switch laundry.
12:14 Begin to fold mountain of laundry.
12:15 Fold, fold, fold... boring...
1:00 Get glass of ice water for self and Maggie.
1:03 Sit down to watch the end of "The Jungle Book" with Maggie, ignoring the fact that she found a bowl full of peanuts and has littered the entire family room with peanut shells.
1:30 Cash wakes up from his nap and is hungry.
1:34 Get snack for Cash.
1:37 Oscar starts crying upstairs.
1:40 Grab Oscar out of crib.
1:41 Maggie yells up the stairs that "something happened".
1:41 Run downstairs as fast as you can because when "something" happens, it's never good.
1:42 Maggie walks you into the backyard to show you where she has painted the bike trailer, the patio, and her pioneer dress (one we bought for pioneer day) a lovely "Lady Bower Blue".
1:44 Bite tongue, bite tongue, bite tongue... (this is hard.)
1:45 Put Maggie in a time-out/quiet time for 30 minutes (with a glass of water and some grapes) after not-so-gently telling her that I'm angry and she's in trouble.
1:47 Come down the stairs to find that Cash has dumped half a bottle of sunscreen all over himself and the stair landing.
1:48 Bite tongue, bite tongue, bite tongue... (this is really, REALLY hard)
1:55 Send Cash upstairs (after being cleaned up) to join sister for the really long time-out.
1:57 Fish peanut shells out of Oscar's mouth
1:59 Clean up peanut shells so Oscar stops choking on them.
2:10 Attempt to clean up backyard while listening to kids cry upstairs.
2:13 Give up cleaning up backyard (it's too gosh dang hot) and curse self for leaving paintbrush outside.
2:15 Timer goes off upstairs. Kids come running down.
2:16 Cash trips over throw pillow on floor and hits head on coffee table.
2:18 I sit and hold ice on Cash's forehead. At least there's no blood.
2:19 Cash pats my stomach and says, "you got a squishy belly, mama."
2:19 Bite tongue, bite tongue, bite tongue.
2:23 Kiss each kid on the head and tell them I love them.
2:24 Fantasize about how this post should end:
Fantasy Ending:

6:00 Husband walks through door with bouquet of flowers, kisses me long and hard, hands me the credit card and says, "You go get a pedicure and do a little shopping for yourself. I'll take over from here."

2:29 Sigh. Audibly.
2:30 Decide to write post about this day to see if it will be humorous at some point in the future.

It already kind of is.


amie said...

And yet, people still ask me "When are you two going to start having kids?" Then they ususally share stories that going more or less along these lines.

When to have kids... some time after we can afford a nanny...

Grant and Stacy said...

I can't believe you actually bit your tongue so many times. I never bite my tongue. I just yell and yell. My neighbors love it! I tell myself it helps them to realize they don't have it so bad!

schmath said...

Wow. At least they're cute.

Melissa said...

Did actual ending involve Ben seeing a movie?! :)

Pedicures on. SERIOUSLY ON.

Carly said...

It's a good thing your children are cute. =)

Brandon and Amber said...

So reassuring to hear other moms having the same type of days! Um, girl's night sometime soon???

Erin and Cliff said...

Well, I'm glad to see photo confirmation that you all survived :)